June 3rd, 2007 (sorry so lengthy)

This was not one of my favorite days, but it is a day that I will remember for the rest of my life.  By far the hardest day of my life!  One year ago today my Father passed away after a long battle with cancer.  He was the greatest, most Christ like person I have ever met.  It was so hard to let him go, but he was ready.  

After having a stroke and a heart attack, he found out that he had prostate cancer.  He had surgery to remove the prostate, but with this type of cancer it can resurface at any time and any place in the body.  His cancer did return in his back.  He took many different medications and even underwent radiation treatments, but they weren't enough.  For a long time he seemed fine and you wouldn't have even known anything was wrong with him.  He never complained. 

 In about April of last year he did begin to say that he could feel the cancer in his back and that it just felt like a dull ache.  He controlled to ache and any pain with Tylenol and pain medications that they had given him.  On May 15th, the pain was too strong that it could no longer be controlled with these medications.  My Mom did not know what to do on her own, and my Dad said it was bad enough that he needed to go to the ER.  When I got word that they were going to the ER I headed down there to find two of my brothers and my Mother there with my Dad.  The service was horrible (as usual) and we sat in the ER for hours before they did anything for my Dad, including giving him anything for the pain.  Even with the pain and discomfort of being in a hospital gown, he was his silly self... making comments about the wait and making the nurses laugh.  He always had a way with people.  They finally got him into a room and settled in for the night, so my brothers and I left.  He would never let my Mom leave his side though.  He always wanted her to stay with him in the hospital... so she did!  

After being in the hospital for several days and numerous tests being run, they gave us the grim diagnoses.  The cancer had spread onto his spine and was enveloping one of the vertebrae, and would eventually close off the blood flow through the spine.  There was a lot more detail but I don't remember it all.  It was bad!  Way worse than they had imagined.  The radiologist that my Father had worked with gave us a little hope and said that they may be able to slow the spreading with more treatments of radiation, but could not guarantee anything.  Surgery was not an option due to the severity of the situation.  So we had a choice to make.  They basically told us that without doing anything such as radiation we were looking at having him around for maybe 6 months to a year and that if we opted to do the radiation, it MAY give us about a year or so.  We discussed with my Dad the options and all agreed that the radiation was the way to go, with the hope of it prolonging his life.  So we set his first radiation appointment for Monday, May 21st.  

The hospital released my Dad to come home on Sunday, so my family all got together for a big dinner and visited.  My sister Kari was here from NJ, and so she was able to help my Mom and Dad thru the night, which I understand was horrible.  My Dad was in so much pain and discomfort that none of them slept very much.  On Monday they went to the radiation appointment as planned, and it made him really sick.  What a horrible thing to have to go thru, and he was such a fighter thru it all.  That night I called over to my parents house to see how things were going and Kari said that it was bad and would I please come over to be there with them.  So of course I did.  My poor Dad was laying on his bed, fighting to breathe... you could hear fluid in his lungs with his shallow breaths.  What a helpless feeling that was to know that he was suffering and that there was nothing we could do for him.  There was so much desperation on his face, and we knew that if we didn't do something for him, he would gladly go right there.  We told him that we needed to call the paramedics to get him back to the hospital, and he begged us not to, almost as if he knew it would all be over if we just let him stay.   Looking back I wonder if it was selfish of us to make him go back to the hospital, but I know that we weren't ready for him to leave us yet.  Against his will we called 911, and within minutes we heard the eery sound of them coming to take him back to the hospital.  They wouldn't take him back to Banner Baywood because they said he wouldn't make it that far, so they took him to Banner Mesa.  When we got there I was on the phone with my Sister Lori, who lives in CA and she was wanting to know whether or not she and our Brother Kendell should come over.  I asked my parents and without any hesitation, my Dad said yes.  So they decided they would head over in the morning.  

Banner Mesa was a horrible experience.  I didn't think that my siblings traveling from CA were going to make it in time to see him alive.  He was so bad!  Treven decided to come by the hospital after work that day, and this was his first time seeing him since he went into the hospital the first time.  He had no idea what to expect and I think it was way worse than he could have ever expected. We were all crying and not knowing what to do.  My family from CA did make it and were blown away at the situation.  What were we going to do?  I think we all knew that if he would have stayed there one more night... it would be the end.  We all knew that it wasn't time yet.  A lady from Hospice of The Valley came and talked to us all and explained what they do at their facilities, and how they would do there best to keep him comfortable until it was time for him to go.  We all agreed that this is what we needed to do, and within 20 minutes they were there to transport him to the Hospice. 

Hospice!  I can't say enough wonderful things about it!  I can honestly say that my Dad was comfortable and as happy as could be expected given the situation, all thanks to the wonderful people at hospice. Our family was there everyday, morning and night.  His brothers and their wives came to see him and visit for a while,  he had friends from CA that he loved dearly that came over.  He had his ups and downs as far as feeling good, etc. but overall I think it was a good experience.  May 29th (as far as my memory serves me) was the last night that he was talking and alert.  Then on Sunday, June 3rd he drifted away with all his kids and grandkids around him singing his favorite hymns.   What a spiritual feeling it was!  One I will never forget.  He was ready, we were ready, and now he is happy and pain free in a perfect body watching and waiting for us to join him someday.  I love and miss him dearly! 

As I wrote in my last post about our trip to Utah, we went through the town where he was born and grew up.  I took some photos of some of the things that remind me of him and the stories he would tell.  Here they are:

I know to most this old trading post is just a store that you may or may not stop at on our way to Utah.  To me this store is one that reminds me of my Dad... We always stopped here and I am sure there is some significance to it, but I am not quite sure what.  

Here is the old Country store that we would go to when we would go to my Grandma's house.  Probably not super significant to anyone but me.  I just remember always going there to buy treats.

Here is the house that he grew up, in Glendale, Utah.  I remember him taking me for walks up behind the house on Clay Hill.  

These two pictures are take in Orderville, UT.  This is where he went to High School.  The picture of the mountain is significant to me because I remember him telling me about it.  Each graduating class would go up on the mountain and paint their graduating year.  I think it is awesome and I love to see it whenever we go thru Orderville.  I couldn't find '58 which would have been his graduating year, but oh well.  

This house is the first house that he and my Mom lived in after they were married.  It is in Kanab, UT and I remember driving by it nearly everytime we would be in Kanab.  They lived in the upstairs portion of the house.  

This picture is of the Big Rock Candy Mountain.  This one is significant because we would always stop here and my Dad would always sing the Big Rock Candy Mtn. song.  

This picture is of my Grandma and Grandpa Anderson's headstone.  It wasn't until a few days after my Dad died that my sisters and I realized that my Grandpa died on June 3rd as well.  My Grandma will have died 10 years ago this month.  She died on Father's Day and I just remember thinking how it wasn't a "happy" Father's Day for my Dad.  

What good memories to have! I love you Daddy!